I just spent two hours writing this post and it disappeared. Into thin air. This has truly been a time of patience and persistence for me. I feel like I need to confess and wash away the heaviness that has descended on me and this project. The reality is:
1. I sometimes have evil thoughts about running away from the movie.
2. I sometimes get short with people I love. because I’m frustrated.
3. I’ve started using the “F” word a lot. Like, a lot.
As most of you know, I threw in the theoretical towel on editing my own piece about a month ago. My mentors and friends were amazing and shopped it around to some local editors to see if anyone would have the time/interest in stepping in and helping me out…no biters. Mike Tabor (Fresh Filmmaker Producer/Mentor) and IFP then set up a small focus group for me to get some feedback on my rough cut. I attended but with the understanding that what I really needed, even more than notes, WAS HELP. SOMEONE TO PLEASE HELP ME. I walked away with the notion that my film was in conflict - it felt both abstract and linear - and it would be in my best interest to choose one over the other. I also walked away with an editor recommendation - Kevin Russell (Splice Here, assistant editor).
I approached Kevin, a serene, kind and patient guy, and said to him, “Thank you for being here for me, please take my footage and do what you will. Let’s make something abstract”. He did - over and over again…each time following my exact notes and direction, but the honest truth is…it just wasn’t feeling like me; like my voice. It moved faster, it looked cooler, the cuts were cleaner - a lot of really great things were happening, but for me…I was, I’m just going to say it, FEELING, like something had been lost. I contacted Kevin and said, “you know - why does it have to be just abstract or linear? I wrote this story and intended for it to be both - that’s what I wanted and what I intended, and I think we can get it there”.
It’s a delicate dance, this director/editor relationship (FYI: Not unlike 7 minute dating, you have to just get right into it, and don’t stop until you find the right fit.) I can honestly say I have no regrets and have utilized this Fresh Filmmaker grant/community project to it’s fullest! I have learned that you have to make yourself uncomfortable - you have to learn to communicate and to listen. It’s not easy, but I know in my heart the payoff will be big. I want to thank everyone, again, for sticking with me. This community is truly awesome, and I feel like I’ve finally found my part in it all. Stay tuned for a final screening update….